Every single mom has a dream to meet that knight in shining armor to marry her and live the fairy tale life, right? RIGHT? Not exactly…not if you’re a single autism mom, that is. In light of this being the end of April, Autism Awareness Month, and as a mom of a child with autism, let me explain a few reasons as to why that may be.
Mess, Not Mess
Here’s a GRRRRREAT reason to stay single. Not having to explain why your child’s mess is not really a mess. As a mother of a child with autism, your house may always seem a bit out of order in a sense to most, but to your child everything is exactly how it should be. Having to explain that to an individual who is accustomed to…how should I say this? Order? At times may be more work than it’s worth, and it makes a lonely bed look pretty good many times.
Bed Time…Or is it?
So most people turn in at a normal bed time…or at least somewhat normal, right? Imagine having your child, who at times doesn’t know the meaning of the words go to sleep, singing their favorite tune at the top of their lungs, and that other person in your life trying to do what most people do at 3am, sleep. You can’t explain to your child that quiet is a good thing right now, they cannot process that command at the moment, because singing is what must be done. I’ve experienced this, and let me inform you, shushing a child with autism does not usually work. So at this point you start to weigh things out again…having that companionship to share laughs and love, OR not having to try to keep your child quiet during typical sleeping hours, because regular folk aren’t used to running on 1 to 3 hours of sleep…and might I add chopped up sleep at that. As odd as it may seem to some…many autism moms may choose peace…the peace of mind of knowing that our child can happily make as much noise as they please at 3am, because no one hears it, but you and your other children, and you’re all so immune to it by now that it’s perfectly normal. You may not be asleep…but at least you’re at peace, and peace to an autism mom is better than sex.
Sesame Street…Sure for the 85th Time
Sunny day, sweeping the clouds away…now imagine hearing that over and over and over. It would probably feel like Chinese Water Torture huh? Now if you’re an autism mom, this is probably your norm. Yes, the world of autism includes many over’s, and over’s, and again’s, and again’s, and it takes a very patient and special individual to handle this kind of normal. We realize that it’s not easy stepping into our world, but what’s also not easy is having to explain to someone why yes we do try different shows here and there, it is usually going to be one or two of their favorite shows probably 85 times a day until the song is embedded in your DNA. Once again, another reason to stay single.
Hello…I Am Here
This may be one of the bigger ones for me. I’ll be the first to admit that I recognize how scary it may seem trying to connect with a child with autism when you have absolutely no idea where to begin, but to connect, you have to start somewhere right? So having to explain to someone that why yes, your child may be partially verbal, or even non verbal, and may not even respond physically, but that it is still majorly important to acknowledge them when walking into a room, and speak to them with special attention, to let them know yes, you see them, and yes, I want to get to know you. The issue rises when either the person has no interest in making the effort or fails at making the attempt. Either way, at times you may not even feel like going through the motions, and once again, being single, hanging on the couch with just you and kids, looks pretty darn good.
One is NOT the Loneliest Number
These were just a few reasons, but trust me, there are many, many more. So now you see why being alone is not the worst thing in the world…especially when you simply do not feel like explaining yourself, and why you do things the way that you do. Now don’t get me wrong…we will still date and enjoy someone’s company, but bringing someone into this big wide world of autism, well, that takes a whole lot of energy that at times we may not have to spare. Thanks, but no thanks…at least for now, for some of us. 😉